The thing is Sue is divorced from Holly’s father and it was rather a messy affair which left Sue very unhappy for a number of years.  A number of years in which the ex did not see an awful lot of Holly.

To cut a long story short Holly wants her dad to give her away, only natural when you think of it, but Sue has gotten herself into such a state over it (she has even refused to go to the wedding) that she and Holly are not speaking and I am confidant to both, which is  a very uncomfortable place to be.

My friend Maggie was in a very similar position.  I was invited to the wedding and Sue came along with me as my husband was away. Maggie’s daughter Sue (this could get confusing) insisted that her dad gave her away even though he had disowned her at birth.   When she was old enough she made contact with him and they formed a relationship of sorts, much to the annoyance of Maggie. 

Sue got her way and her dad did his duty, but Maggie’s behaviour was appalling.  Maggie and I have been through thick and thin together but I was so upset that I have not spoken to her from that day to this (5 years!). She spoilt Sue’s wedding by acting like a spoilt child.  She wouldn’t sit at the same table as him, wouldn’t talk to him, glared at him through the speeches and came to sit with me to eat her dinner.  I did talk to her and told her that she was being unreasonable and it was Sue’s day she was spoiling by acting so childishly and I did think I had made her see reason but the evening buffet was even worse as it included a number of her old friends from way back, who could remember the break up of her marriage.  They sat on a table together like the witches from Macbeth bitching about him and drinking far too much.  They only danced the very last dance which was highly embarrassing as they were a little bit worse for wear.

Any way I reminded Sue (friend Sue) of what she had said at the wedding and that was “she could do with a good slap for spoiling the whole day”.  The irony is Maggie’s ex seemed oblivious to it all and was the life and soul of the party and was made to feel welcome by the other members of the family.  Maybe it was just for the day but Sue looked radiant and happy in his company and after all it was her day as I kept trying to tell Maggie. 

I don’t know what you think, but weddings can be an emotive time and yes they do bring up  memories and throw family members together, who have not spoken or seen it each for years, but at the end of the day it is just one day, one day that the bride and groom will remember for the rest of their lives, so surely it’s possible to grin and bear it or am I just being naïve?

Sue (friend Sue) is still chewing it all over and I do hope that she comes to her senses and calms down, I hope so because, as fond as I am of  Sue, I don’t want a repeat performance and I certainly don't want to lose another friend.

As for the wording on the invitations – the jury is still out!

After a lot of handbag searching Sue found the receipt and yes she confirmed that we had indeed got two fittings so Saturday morning saw us off to the Bridal shop. I had to remind Holly to bring the new underwear she had chosen as this is vital at the fitting stage as if it is not comfortable or shows through the dress we can go and change it. The dress was indeed too big, but because of the style of it, we were assured that the alterations required would not be a problem. I did ask Gillian our assistant, who has the patience of a saint, should we wait until the final fitting before making the alterations and she smiled at me and said “I will note down the changes and make the adjustments after the final fitting, as some brides put the weight back on as quickly as they lose it”. It wasn’t a wasted visit as we still had the shoes and veil to chose and even though the dress was too big we were able to buy exactly what Holly wanted. We took the shoes with us so she can get used to the heel height (she lives in her trainers) and break them in round the house.

The bridesmaids arrived about an hour after us with Sue’s sister Mary for their fittings and after much giggling in the changing rooms they appeared like little angels with no adjustments needed. We got their shoes sorted at the same time and then had a struggle to get them to change out of their outfits to go home!

Whilst we were choosing the shoes a bride and her mother came rushing in, the bride being in tears. Times are tough as we all know, but they had ordered the dress from an internet site overseas and when it had arrived the box looked like it had been kicked round a football field and the dress was damaged and not anything like they were expecting. The wedding was in two weeks and they were struggling to find anything suitable. I felt really sorry for them but I was so relieved I had persuaded Sue not to go down this route as I think she would have had a nervous breakdown had Holly’s dress arrived in such a state. I always like to see and touch what I am buying and the advice given to us by Gillian was worth its weight in gold. I must remember to remind Sue to take her some chocolates when she finally goes to pick the dress up to thank her for all her help and patience!

The dress above is from Alison Evans Bridal Shop- take a peek at what else she has in stock  Alison Evans Bridal Shop

I'm having a problem with my wedding dress, the whole outfit actually, because all of the dresses and veils and stuff out there is made for really pretty women who can do the whole princess for a day thing and I can't. I'm quite plain, have short hair and don't usually wear dresses at all. I can't find anything that I like, and I think everyone is going to think I look stupid all dolled up in a fancy wedding dress that's too pretty for me. What should I do?

K

Dear Kay,

Oh wow. There's a lot of stuff going on here that isn't just about wedding dresses, or the wedding industry's portrayal of blushing brides (though that is a big factor) so I'm going to do my best to untangle it a bit.

The initial instinct whenever a woman says she isn't pretty is to argue with them, saying that they are pretty and they're talking nonsense. We do this thinking it will help their self-esteem, when actually, that rarely does anything. Whether you are considered pretty or not, how you perceive yourself and your own style is the point here, and what I am hearing from you is that the way you see yourself is in direct conflict with all of the brides featured in glossy magazines and bridal gown promotions.

That is all just fantasy – like any other kind of advertising – they are trying to make you want to be just like that woman with the teeny tiny waist and perfect arms and not an inch of fat on her, who just happens to be radiantly beautiful. They are models; it's their job to look pretty.

Just because that's the way wedding dresses are advertised, it doesn't mean that there won't be a style to suit you – and this is the first hurdle you have to get over: there will be a dress that will make you look fantastic, you just have to try lots on to find it. It may be very simple and classic, without any frills or froufrou that makes you uncomfortable. The key is removing the mental barrier that your self image is imposing upon you, as it will be holding you back from trying different styles.

I really do understand this, having been a Tom-boy all my life. I walked into a bridal gown shop and almost walked straight out again. Don't. Be brave. Think about what styles attract you normally. Do you like military cut jackets for example? Well, there may be a jacket to go over a dress that's very structured around the collar and shoulders that flatters you in the same way.

And you don't have to go for the princess look either. Make an appointment at a local bridal gown shop so you have the undivided attention of the assistant. Tell them how you feel about those kinds of gowns – they may have many alternatives to try – but I would also try on some of the styles you reject off-hand.

You see, your wedding day is the one day when you can really go to town on yourself. You'll have your hair and make up done, you won't look like you normally do anyway – you'll be at your most glamorous. Whilst I understand that you might feel a grand wedding dress would drown you out, don't forget that you're not just pulling your jeans off, putting on the frock and walking down the aisle. You'll be at your most sparkling, glam best.

As for the short hair thing – yeah, I get that – it's so rare to see a 'bride' in these adverts with anything but long tresses that most women can only dream of. If you speak to specialists who make tiaras, veils and hats they'll be able to give you lots of ideas.

I guess my advice boils down to this:
•    Don't be intimidated by the wedding dress models in the adverts
•    Your own style preferences can help you find a dress that will suit you
•    You don't have to do the princess thing at all
•    Don't let your self-image hold you back from experimenting – you might well be surprised!
•    Talk to the experts, they help hundreds of real brides and will have great ideas.

I hope that helps and good luck!

Emma

P.S. You probably are more pretty than you think. There, I said it ;o)

Hi there,

I would like to get married but do not want to do it in a church or a registry office as i would like as little fuss and as few people as possible. I was hoping you may be able to help with any suggestions of alternatives? I would like to stay in this country. Thank you so much for any help you can give. louise

Hi Louise,

Funnily enough, getting married in a register office is one of the least 'fussy' ways of getting married – you don't have to dress up if you don't want to for one thing. I'm afraid you can't get away from the fact that you need to have two witnesses and a registrar to legally marry.

You mention "little fuss and as few people as possible" and it seems to me that a swift marriage performed by a registrar with two witnesses in a register office is the easiest way to have a minimal wedding. That is the fewest people that could legally be involved, and a register office wedding without other guests is incredibly easy and cheap to organise.

You will still need to have those three people if you wanted to marry legally in another location, such as a civil wedding venue, and that would require booking and payment for the venue to be hired out for your ceremony.

Even if you just wanted to have a private ceremony conducted by a humanist or other alternative celebrant, you'd still have to go and get the paperwork part (and the minimal vows) dealt with by a registrar with two witnesses at the register office, so you're back to square one again.

I can't help but wonder if there is another reason for wanting such a minimal wedding. Are you worried about costs and satisfying other people's expectations getting out of control? I can assure you that it is possible to have a small, intimate wedding with a few guests on a modest budget and with minimal fuss, without having to shy away from everything altogether.

Maybe you just like to keep things simple, and if that's the case, I'm afraid there aren't many options other than those I've given already. I hope that helps, and best of luck to you both.

Emma

Now wedding shows which portray the bride-to-be as a selfish, maniacal horror of a woman (or 'bridezilla' to use the popular term) are nothing new – there are many programmes from America in this vein. However, one format that has recently been imported into the UK is one called 'Bulging Brides' and to be honest, I found this quite worrying.

The basic premise is this, in case you haven't seen it: the bride-to-be has a beautiful wedding dress, but there is a catch: it's two sizes too small. And they only have six weeks before the wedding to slim into it.

Now, maybe I haven't seen enough episodes, but the ones that I have seen haven't really explained why they have a dress two sizes too small – when I saw the advert for it I wondered if it was an amazing designer wedding gown that could only be won by the bride if she slims. However, the ones I've watched just seem to be a wedding dress considered to be 'perfect' – aside from the fact it's too small.

This upset me. Perhaps I am being ridiculous, but I thought that the perfect wedding dress was one that flattered what you are now – not a big stick to beat yourself with for the six weeks before the wedding. I mean, for heavens sake, isn't the six week build-up to the wedding day stressful enough without needing to lose a stone in weight?

One positive message

Of course, I should be fair and say that the show teaches the bride-to-be how to exercise and eat well, and hopefully change her habits so that she doesn't continue on a path to life-threatening obesity.

But the bigger message seems to be: you can only be beautiful on your wedding day if you are a lot thinner than you are now.

Do we need this kind of pressure?

Everywhere we look, we are bombarded by images of emaciated film stars and unhealthy looking women who are being lauded as beautiful when they are 20% below a healthy weight. I am convinced that the pressure put on women by the media is not only depressing, but ultimately damaging.

The average woman – and average bride-to-be – doesn't earn millions of pounds a year from the way they look, or how many inches they lose off their hips to gain column inches in the papers. We don't have personal trainers and dedicated nutritionists and diet experts cooking every single calorie-controlled meal for us.

And quite frankly, we're all a bit too busy for that, aren't we?

Isn't there more to life than being rake thin? Is the weight of the bride something that should be made into a spectacle?

Many brides-to-be lose weight on the lead up to the wedding

All that running around and nerves can make you slimmer, it's true. I lost half a stone without even trying, I was such a worry pot. And many brides choose to slim – and that's fine of course, because that is a decision based on what they want to do for their day which starts with them first – not the dress.

It just seems backwards to me to choose a dress that's too small and then slim into it. Why not think about losing weight a year or six months before the wedding, make positive changes to diet and exercise that lead to a healthier lifestyle, then pick a dress that makes whatever shaped body you have look fabulous?

Did your fiancé insist you be slimmer for the wedding day?

I'm guessing he didn't. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'd like to think he fell in love with you as you are now, and wants to marry you because of who you are, and not your waist measurement.

Can we just take a step back and really look at the messages we're being given?

Maybe I am taking this all too seriously. Maybe thousands of people watch these programmes with a pinch of salt, shake their heads with pity at the starving celebrities and love their own feminine curves regardless (yes, we're supposed to have curves). Perhaps teenage girls across the land look at a size zero pop stars and think "wow, thank goodness I don't look so unhealthy."

Perhaps all the brides-to-be out there have a laugh, look forward to their wedding day without feeling any pressure to lose weight at all, and just find something that flatters and loves their body as much as their fiancé does.

Let's hope so, eh?

Dear Emma,

Our reception venue has just been flooded and we haven't got anywhere to have the meal and party afterwards. We only have thirty guests – we wanted it to be a small and intimate wedding, but now we're stumped and nowhere else has anything free on the day. Help!

S

Dear S,

Oh no! That sounds awful, I am so sorry to hear that. If you have wedding insurance, you need to get in touch with your insurer straight away.

One thing I can say though is that not having a reception venue when you have a relatively small guest list is not a total disaster, even though right now it must feel like one. It depends on where you live, but you could do something really crazy along the lines of something I heard about only yesterday when I interviewed a wedding planner.

He was telling me about an amazing wedding where the couple chose not to have a reception venue at all. They hired a few Limos and went to a series of locations around London – all dressed up to the nines. They had cocktails and canapés in one place, a light meal in another, drinks in another location and then a sit down meal somewhere else. At the end of the day they went to a club and danced the night away.

It might not be feasible to do all of those things, but you might be able to adapt your plans and make a feature of not having a venue like they did. Thirty guests might be accommodated by a restaurant if you hired it out completely, or you could look into catering at home. Be open with your friends and family about what has happened and I'm sure they'll rally round for you.

Good luck!

Dear Emma,

We want to have lots of guests but can't afford to cater for a proper three course wedding breakfast. Are there any cheaper alternatives that won't look like we're cutting corners?

Katie, Birmingham

Dear Katie,

There are lots of options depending on the type of reception you are going to have. The timing of the wedding will be a factor. One held in the morning with dancing into the night will demand two sets of food to keep your guests going, whereas one held in the afternoon could get away with only one meal or buffet. If you are planning on one in a hotel or formal venue, don't feel you have to have three courses, you could offer canapes to the guests on arrival and then omit a starter. A buffet may cost similar amounts per head, but don't order for every single guest as there are always leftovers so order for ten percent less.

Alternatives include having a barbeque at a summer wedding or if your arrangements are informal and you have willing friends, assign teams to bring the puddings and some to bring salad etc as wedding gifts for your own buffet.

Dear Emma,

We are getting married in a fabulous venue but it is a long way from where we live and any family or friends. I am getting into a panic about which services to arrange locally and which to get from closer to home. Help!

Beth, Manchester

Dear Beth,

Make a cup of tea, sit down and make a list of all the people you need to employ to make your wedding go smoothly. When you see them in front of you, it will soon be clear which will have to be local companies. For example, your transport will need to be local, as will the catering and anything else that is fresh on the day such a flowers and most probably catering. The wedding dress and all trappings can be bought ahead of the day, so you can do that close to home, and the male wedding party clothes should be hired from place convenient to return to after the wedding, so that may be near your home too.

You need to be very well organised so that on days when you are visiting the venue to make arrangements, you have booked appointments with the other local suppliers on the same day too, eliminating the need for lots of separate trips. To find the wedding suppliers in an area you are unfamiliar with needn't be a chore if you use the directory on this site, or if it is being held in a venue covered by the Wedding Organizer e-books you can download here.

Dear Emma,
I've had the same nightmare three days in a row and I'm wondering if it means something really bad. In the dream, I'm at the church and about to walk up the aisle with my Dad to be given away. I see my fiance turn around but then he looks horrified. I look down and see that I'm wearing a bin bag and not a wedding gown at all and I run away. It sounds silly when I am writing this to you, but it's really worrying me – does it mean I've chosen the wrong dress?

Natalie, Porthleven

Dear Natalie,
I think it means you're very worried about the dress rather than having picked the wrong one. A popular theory about dreams is that they are a way for the deepest parts of our mind to work through worries so that when we are awake we have a better idea of how to cope with them, or they are simply less of a bother to us.

Naturally you want your fiance to think you look fabulous and are worried that he won't like the dress you've picked. This dream suggests to me that you need a little reassurance about it, so why not model it for a good friend who speaks their mind. If you feel good in it, and they say it looks good, it may alleviate your worry and thus remove the need to have the dream. At the end of the day, it is just a dream and I'm sure he will think you look fabulous!

Dear Emma,

My fiance has started to literally have nightmares about giving his speech at the wedding and it is spoiling the lead up to the big day. He has practically no experience of public speaking and goes pale whenever we talk about it. How can I help him?

Marianne, Bournemouth

Dear Marianne,

Oh dear, that must be awful for him. Firstly, get to the bottom of what it is that causes the worry. Is it standing up in front of everyone? Is it finding the right words to say? Is it fear of forgetting something or having a coughing fit or saying the wrong word? It may be unpleasant to make him imagine the scene, but getting him to do that will help you identify the exact triggers of the stress and then to deal with them. All of the fears I've listed have solutions. Remind him that he will be standing up in front of friends, family and loved ones, all of whom will be right behind him and wishing him the best. They will be the most forgiving audience he'll ever have.

If he can't find the right words, there are professional speech writers who can help and there is advice here on giving speeches.Reassure him that he'll have a glass of water to avoid coughing and that if he practises; he is very unlikely to fluff his words. Hope that helps!