What do we mean by 'costumed wedding'?

That's a good question, as usually a costume is defined more by the fact that it's clothing that one wouldn't normally wear. However, at a wedding, everyone wears clothes they wouldn't usually wear!

A costumed wedding can range from historically inspired, through to film and TV inspired. Here are three examples:

The historical period costumed wedding

A particular period in history is chosen for a theme – medieval, Napoleonic and regency period wedding styles are popular, as are 1950's and 1940's vintage styled weddings. The latter are easier to pull off in terms of clothing and if the theme is incorporated into every aspect of the day and is a prominent feature, then it falls into this category.

The Star Trek Wedding

This is the pinnacle of geekdom – and believe it or not, in Las Vegas there was a wedding chapel that was a replica of the Starship Enterprise's bridge. It's closed now (it may be re-opening at another venue), but you could actually get married in full Star Trek uniforms, on the bridge of the Enterprise.

You may be laughing as you read this (or maybe grinning enthusiastically) but there have been quite a number of Star Trek weddings, thanks to a specific Star Trek wedding package that used to be offered by the Hilton Las Vegas. Some people have even dressed up as Klingons to get married. I love that!

The Star Wars Wedding

This is an example of a film-inspired costumed wedding (sci-fi is more popular than you might think). One Star Wars wedding had an impromptu lightsaber battle, another couple had a lightsaber duel instead of a first dance… That video makes me so happy!

How do you organise a costumed wedding?

Whilst the details will differ depending on the source of your inspiration, there are a few universal questions that have to be answered before you fall too much in love with the idea.

1. How far do you want to take the theme?
Whilst you and your partner may already have the costumes planned (or even in your wardrobes already), you need to decide whether you want other people to participate in the costume aspect too. Will you insist on the attendants being in costume? What about your guests?

2. Do you have a venue that is suitable, or could be adapted?
A Star Trek wedding in a medieval chapel may be a little jarring (unless you go down the 'oh it's in the Holodeck' route – and yes, you guessed it, I used to be a Trekkie!) But seriously, sometimes the perfect venue can set the theme – certainly when we found the venue for our wedding, it influenced the style of wedding gown I subsequently looked for.

3. Are you going to be happy to look back at photos of yourself in costume 20 years (and longer hopefully) from now?

I used to be a real Trekkie, now I just watch it occasionally with fond memories. There is a big difference – and if I had married in a Star Trek uniform, I would cringe at the photos now. I'm guessing that if you love something so much you want to adopt its style for your wedding, you'll love it forever, but do bear this in mind.

4. Are you prepared to put the extra effort in?
To pull off a costumed wedding – especially one that has the theme infused throughout the entire event – takes extra work to source the right accessories and skilled professionals. If you want it to look really good, you might have to pay extra for some key items too.

Tips for planning a costumed wedding

Once you've made these decisions, the rest of the planning process is like any other wedding, but here are some pointers to help you on your fabulous costumed way.

The invitation to a costumed wedding is even more important

When you send out your wedding invitations, it's the first opportunity you have to introduce the theme to your guests (just like any wedding). You may want to include a letter, inviting people to dress in the same time period style (or bring their own lightsabers) with as much information and advice as you can give.

Make it very clear whether you want people to participate, whether it's up to them or if you actively don't want other people to dress up too. Take care if you want other people to dress up – they may not be as comfortable with it as you are, and you may need to give them a lot of help to source appropriate clothing.

Inform your attendants as soon as possible

This is especially true if you want them to dress in costume too. It may simply be a matter of hiring an outfit for them to wear, but if you want to do something more creative on the day, they need to be briefed and comfortable with it well in advance.

Take the time to source the perfect venue – and tell them your plans!

I've said before that you might have to put more effort into this – and it is especially true with historical costumed weddings.

Once you have found the right wedding venue, it doesn't hurt to tell the venue owner / manager about your plans, just so they have a heads up that something a little different will be happening.

Choose your costume maker with care

It may be that you already have a wedding costume, but if you need to have a period wedding dress custom-made, do take care when choosing someone to make it. I went to a wedding where the groom's outfit wasn't nearly as effective as the bride's – it was a period style military uniform and it looked more like a theatre costume. Something that looks good on stage does not necessarily look good close up, and believe me, everyone will want to inspect your outfits!

If you're going for a historical period that requires a corset, I do recommend getting one properly fitted as it will be so much more comfortable to wear over a long day.

Are you planning to have a costumed wedding?

Let us know in the comments! I'd love to hear about it – and write a feature about it afterwards if you'd be happy to tell me all about it.

"An alternative wedding does not conform to a standard recognised religious ceremony, nor to a standard civil ceremony, in that the words and events during the wedding ceremony differ from those provided by the state and the church."

Hmm, that seems very formal doesn't it? When I think of alternative weddings all kinds of things pop into my mind; people jumping out of airplanes and marrying as they skydive, people dressed in medieval costume, people having hand fasting ceremonies, people writing their own wedding vows… the list goes on. The important thing in the definition though is that the wedding is constructed by the couple (or a professional third party) and diverges away from the standard religious or civil script.

The practical aspect of alternative weddings

Before we get excited about all the fabulous things you could do for an alternative wedding, I'm going to cover the legal part – if you want your wedding to create a legally binding marriage, there are a couple of important things to consider.

There is actually only a tiny thing that is required to make a wedding legally recognised. Whatever happens, at some point both members of the couple have to declare that they "know not of any lawful impediment why I should not be joined in matrimony" in the presence of two witnesses. That's all; the vows and the exchange of wedding rings don't have anything to do with the legal bit.

The other critical aspect is that an official registrar has to be involved, whether they are conducting the actual ceremony or not – and that can be a bit of a minefield which I'll pick up upon later.

One option that is very popular for alternative weddings is to get the legal bit done at the register office the day before with the minimum people required, and then have the full wedding the next day, with rings, vows and the whole caboodle.

Working with a registrar for an alternative wedding

Now that we've got past the definition and the initial practical considerations, I feel it's a good time to tell you that my own wedding was one classed as 'alternative' in that we adapted the normal civil service vows and built our own ceremony. I'd like to describe the experience a little to help you if you're considering this.

Originally, we wanted a friend of ours to conduct the ceremony, but when enquiries were made with the relevant local authorities it was made clear that for the ceremony to be legal, the local registrar would have to conduct it, and furthermore, the ceremony had to be one provided by the wedding authority.

A pack arrived containing a guide to civil ceremonies, incorporating a "choose your own" off the shelf approved civil ceremony. It had two or three options for each part of the ceremony, so you could pick the opening address, then the middle bit version, the vow variants etc. It was like ordering a Chinese meal from a takeaway. "I’ll have introduction B with vows C and readings A and D – can I have prawn crackers with that too?"

As you can tell, I wasn't impressed – it felt like a conveyor belt wedding. So we contacted them and asked if we could write our own. The initial response was no. When we negotiated, we asked if we could write the ceremony and the parts that we'd like the registrar to do, and then send it in for approval. They agreed to this, we wrote our own ceremony and sent it off to the registrar, who, thank goodness, was happy to conduct the ceremony using our words instead of the council's.

One thing to bear in mind, if you are considering writing your own wedding vows and ceremony, is that it's unlikely to be approved if the wording is too close to a traditional religious wedding ceremony.

Negotiate with a registrar or by-pass altogether?

It may be different in your part of the country, but if you want your alternative ceremony to be legally recognised by the local authority, like any other civil wedding, you need to get the registrar on board. It may take several phone calls, being flexible yet firm in what you want and being willing to compromise. Using our own words and making our own ceremony was very important to us, but we also wanted it to have the legal recognition too. That made it harder to arrange, but it was worth it.

Of course, you can just get the minimal ceremony carried out at a local register office the day before and then do whatever you like on your actual wedding day; it's entirely up to you. And at the end of the day, that's what alternative weddings are all about, isn't it?

Over to you

Are you planning an alternative wedding? Do you have any questions, problems or just want to cheer 'me too!' and join in? Drop a line in the comments, I'd love to hear from you.

That was five (oh my!) years ago now, and I am wondering what exactly I plan to do with it. I have subsequently given birth to a son, so there is no daughter to pass it on to, and besides, wedding fashions are such that she may not have wanted it anyway even if she did exist.

It also makes me think that there may be something in this 'trash the dress' movement after all.

Wait, do you mean trash the wedding dress?!

I do, and I never thought I would be tempted, but this large box under the bed that needs to be brought out and dusted every once in a while is making me reconsider.

The trash the dress thing has been around for a while now, and as the phrase suggests, it originated in America as a way of taking radical wedding photos in places that pristine brides would never consider, the beach being a favourite.

Perhaps it was a rebellion of sorts against the perfect image of brides in dresses; we are bombarded with them whilst planning the wedding after all. Trashing the wedding dress is a way for brides to let loose and get some really fun pictures taken that are a world away from the posed models in large country mansions that we see in the big glossy wedding magazines.

Specialised trash the dress photography shoots

Of course, skipping along a beach and being chucked into the water by your beloved may not be conveniently fitted into your wedding day, so one way to get those amazing pictures is to arrange a dedicated "trash the dress photo shoot" as close to the wedding day as possible. Then you can look perfect on the day and still have the fun experience afterwards.

Can trashing the dress go too far?

I've read about a couple doing a trash the dress shoot (in America) in which the groom put the bride into one of those huge garbage dumpsters that we see in films. Euw! I would have been most upset at that…

I popped onto Google images to research this and one of the top results was a picture of a bride looking euphoric whilst her dress was on fire. Of course it was fake, but it was still disturbing. Erm, people, isn't that taking it a bit too far?

What else can be done with the wedding dress?

Of course, trashing the dress isn't an option if you're hoping to sell it afterwards. This is easier if you're tall as then the length can make the dress viable for a range of brides.

Preservation is the other option, and whilst I haven't worn it since, I do still like the thought of still having my dress. If you're the sentimental type (like I am) you may find it comforting to keep it.

Are you planning to trash your dress?

Making plans for your own trash the dress shoot? Or have you got a friend who already has? If so, we'd love to hear from you – and if you like, we could do a feature blog post on you after the shoot, including some of your pictures! Where and how are you planning to do it? Beach or forest? Will you be aiming for urban grittiness or a fantastical style? Let us know in the comments!

What makes an alternative wedding an Elvish wedding?

An elvish wedding has a few hallmarks. First is the obligatory beautiful long flowing elvish wedding gown, akin to the wonderful draping gowns of the pre-Raphaelite artists. They are similar to medieval style wedding gowns but with more delicate detailing. Next is the amazing wedding tiara, usually made of silver or platinum. They can be incredibly ornate with flowing lines and often a motif with a nature theme, such as butterflies or flowers. If possible, the elvish wedding bride should have her hair long and flowing, perhaps with some braiding. The colours used for any of the wedding accessories or decorations are soft, muted shades.

The most dedicated elvish wedding couples have been known to say their wedding vows, or at least part of the ceremony in Tolkien's elvish language. The recent Lord of the Rings films are a useful resource on this front, and one can find several websites that offer translations and even pronunciation guides.

Thinking of having an Elvish wedding? Don't forget the legal bits!

If you are considering holding an elvish wedding, take care to read about the legal requirements first in Emma's Wedding Diary. If you want to really go to town with the theme it may be easier to have the legal bits taken care of at the register office first or the day before, then you have much more freedom to conduct your own ceremony.

If you have already had an elvish wedding, please write and tell us all about it! We would love to interview you for the blog!