The perception of a wedding planner

Back then, the only wedding planners I had ever seen were ones in films. Father of the Bride springs to mind – think about how many scenes there are involving the incredibly flamboyant wedding planner who is constantly stretching the budget, being overbearing, making Steve Martin have panic attacks about the budget – the list of awful things the wedding planner did goes on.

That is a Hollywood comedy of course, not real life, but it did sink into my unconscious. It formed an idea of what I think it would be like to have a wedding planner, and sadly, that was wrong.

Control freakery gone mad

Let's be brutally honest here, I am a control freak. When I was planning my wedding I was caught in a miserable place between having to make lots of decisions I didn't want to make, (I had never in my life cared about what should go in the centre of tables and didn't want to start either), and not wanting to delegate any of them because I wanted to stay in control.

No wonder I often got stressed out!

This awful combination meant that I was too afraid that I would lose control of my wedding day if I employed a wedding planner. Oh dear, silly (younger) me.

Talking to Jane made me realise that the best wedding planners share your vision, they listen carefully to what you want, set the budget, and then go and make it happen without you having to do all of the niff naff and trivia that goes with it. And it's not like you only speak once and hope the wedding planner keeps on track – there is regular communication. So if something crops up, or you realise that what you thought you wanted wasn't actually any good, there is a chance to change it.

My maid-of-honour was amazing

Really, I can't emphasise this enough. She didn't just stand there and look pretty on the day (which she also did with aplomb I hasten to add). She helped keep things on track during the planning, gave me impromptu counselling and was rock solid throughout the entire day.

Now, you may have a best mate who is just as reliable, but if you don't, and something goes wrong on the day, who will sort it out? The hotel? Hopefully – if it's something they can correct. What if the DJ doesn't show up, or the photographer gets lost on the way to the venue?

Talking to Jane made me realise how lucky I was that everything went so smoothly. Having a wedding planner isn't just about the planning bit, it's also about having someone there on the day who's job it is to do all the worrying for you, and more importantly, someone who has a network of contacts who can solve problems should they arise.

If you're not planning to have a wedding organiser, what are the reasons?

I've looked at these reasons and rejected them – the only other one I can think of is money. We had a tight budget and I saw a wedding planner as extraneous. But good wedding planners can negotiate better rates for you, so even that reason has dissolved now.

Have I missed any out? If so, I'd love you to tell me in the comments below!

Over to you
I don't plan to get married again (it's our five year anniversary in August!) but if I did, I'd get a planner. How about you? What are you planning to do?

Click here  for directions to Makeney Hall Hotel.

Let us know how it goes if you attend!

Thom was a true gentleman, and always took the time to come and have a chat when we saw each other at bridal fayres. I also enjoyed long chats with him on the telephone.

Thom advertised "Staffordshire Toastmasters" with the Wedding Organizer for eight years and was a great advocate of our books. He was very supportive and sang our praises wherever he could.

Thom was a consummate professional Toastmaster and will be sadly missed.

Jean

Jane Dayus-Hinch is the super heroic wedding planner that makes three wishes come true for each couple in every episode, and she kindly gave us the opportunity to interview her.

In part one we found out all about her life as a wedding planner in a glamorous television show. In part two we find out what being a wedding planner is really about and what you need to know about finding the best one.

Wedding Organizer: To quote your website: "Now after 25 years in the industry, Jane has planned over 1000 weddings and organizes over 40 each year." My first question has to be: how on earth do you stay sane? It sounds like you have a gruelling schedule…

Jane: It is an incredible schedule; this time last week I was in Daytona Florida! It takes a week to get over it. This week I have a wedding in Cardiff, much closer to home

I do have to be very organised and my PA Julie keeps a very good diary. In Wedding SOS I only have between 3 days and 3 weeks to pull a wedding together, but in the real world (i.e. not television!) it's usually a time frame of 12-18 months. That means I can manage several weddings at one time by working and planning to a realistic schedule.

Some Brides do a lot themselves of course, and just want me to be there for them on the day. I do as much or as little as each Bride wants and needs me to do, so that also makes a difference. I never know how much that is until I meet the Bride. I spoke to one young lady this week who initially contacted me to be her Toastmaster, but by the time we finished talking about her wedding, she decided that she wanted me to do everything! So the demands of each wedding vary greatly.

Wedding Organizer: Can you give us an idea of what it's like to be a wedding planner, and what qualities you need?

Jane: I seem to have made it look very glamorous on Wedding SOS, but I can assure you it's very hard work.

I made sure I had a great foundation; I have been on every course imaginable to learn ALL the skills that are involved in planning and organising a wedding; I've been on photography, floristry, calligraphy, videography, and even balloon decorating courses – I think I must have studied every aspect of wedding services in my first fifteen years.

Strange enough, it was my being involved in planning specialist marquee weddings that really developed my planning skills. With a marquee wedding all kinds of things can go wrong; e.g toilets don't arrive, electricity generators break down, the tent leaks, the ground is uneven and tables wobble, you name it, it goes wrong. It taught me to be three steps ahead with everything and to have everyone's telephone numbers and a contingency plan for every situation!

Of course, when I started as a Wedding Planner in 1985 there were no mobile phones! I think that they are the best invention!

Wedding Organizer: How do you explain what you do as a wedding planner?

Jane: I say that anyone can book a supplier/vendor, but that's not getting the job done.

A good example is the wedding cake: Should you see a fabulous wedding cake at a wedding fair, you may have paid a deposit and received the paperwork, but that's not enough. When Brides show me the paperwork, I take a look, and it may be that there are a few more questions to be asked such as: "Who is delivering it? Who is setting it up-is it the hotel or the cake decorator? Does a stand come with it?  Or is that an extra? When does it have to be returned? Who is supplying the cake knife? Are you having individual plates per person served, or one mixed fruit/sponge platter per table? Are you having cake boxes filled for missing guests" There can be over twenty questions about the cake – imagine how many questions there are about all the other facets!

This is why I have four or five meetings with the Bride-to-be, and we talk through every aspect of the day, reviewing the itinerary and timings – to what to do weather wise – if it's raining or snowing or even very hot sunshine, we make a plan B for everything, and I keep it all on track financially.

I have developed over the years a wonderful network of wedding vendors. It is crucial that those who work with me know my standards. The wedding industry is a very small network, and over the years I have worked with most of the local vendors and you get to know who's good, (who’s bad) who is reasonable or expensive and who has a reputation that will let you down (and on your wedding day – do you want that?)

It's such an expensive day and there is only ONE chance to get it all perfect, and that's what a wedding planner does (and never works with anyone who will let you down!)

Wedding Organizer: How would you recommend choosing a wedding planner?

Jane: Ask a lot of questions about experience and their expertise and make sure that they have a good understanding of your wedding day vision. You have to be sure and be convinced that they have all the skills, because on the day they'll really need them.

Experience is critical, and there are many planners in the industry who simply don't have enough practical experience.  It can sometimes be a Bride who has planned her own wedding and then decides to become ‘a wedding planner’.  Or maybe a wedding co-ordinator who is working in a hotel taking wedding bookings (filling out a function sheet) – advertises as a wedding planner. Be very sure to get details about the experience they say they have.

Wedding Organizer: I hear you were involved with a Greek wedding with 1,800 guests. I panicked about 100 when I was planning my wedding – how on earth did you manage 1,700 more?

Jane: Well it's essentially the same format, just scaled up a few notches! I did have a few assistants and we all had walkie talkies to help keep us co-ordinated. Security was particularly intense, and Greek weddings are particularly hard to plan for; a family can send out 2000 invites, only get 500 replies but then 1800 might turn up! It can be near impossible to know how many to cater for.

Sikh weddings have somewhere between 800 -1200 guests over three days and I've planned a few of those too, so I'm used to organising weddings on a grand scale.

Wedding Organizer: What has been one of the most memorable weddings that you've planned?

Jane: One does stand out actually, the Bride had everything she'd seen in magazines and wanted; from ice sculptures to fire work displays, even living painted statues! There were caricaturists, magicians, silhouette artists and performers, it was almost like the Cirque du Soleil! There was a live band, a comedian, a full scale entertainment package and finally a breakfast buffet at 4 am the next day. I had been there since 8am the previous morning and all day Friday setting up (oh, and the toilets broke down on Friday!) It was wonderful but exhausting.

Wedding Organizer: What is the most common problem you're asked to solve?

Jane: I don't think there is a single problem that comes up more than others; a problem for one person isn't a problem for another. It's different with every wedding. For one couple it may be that the venue has double booked, for another it might be that the florist has closed down after the deposit has been paid – there's a huge variety.

Wedding Organizer: What do you feel is the most beneficial thing you offer?

Jane: It has to be the fact that I am there on the day solely dedicated to making sure everything is going smoothly. Whilst the bride is (rightly) focused on getting married, I'm there checking all the details, making sure everything is in place, going through all the minutiae. Always three steps ahead. It's like paying for a best friend to be there on the day to work for you.

Many brides might have organised a dinner party, or a birthday party, but nothing on this scale, at this cost, with this budget – for the majority of their family and friends – with huge hospitality concerns and huge expectations. They want perfection, but on your wedding day, when you're wearing the gown, you can't do anything; you don't have a mobile phone (there are no pockets in wedding dresses) and your bridesmaids are often there to look good and do nothing more.  Besides, who wants to worry about all these things? Everyone wants to just enjoy the day, and that's at the core of what I offer – enabling everyone to relax about the details and they can enjoy the day.

Wedding Organizer: What advice would you give to couples who are planning their wedding?

Jane: Besides having the best wedding planner? It's this:

Have a plan A and plan B for everything. If you're just planning for a sunny day, for example, make sure you start planning for a rainy day too.

List all the things that could go wrong – or whatever is worrying you – and arrange your contingency plan in the event they do go wrong.

Wedding Organizer: Is it possible to plan a wedding without any stress?

Jane: If you're on your own – no! I'm sorry to say that, but wedding planning requires a lot of skills. In other areas of our lives we're used to calling upon a professional, like a dentist or doctor, and I'd recommend that couples planning their wedding pull in an expert too.

Wedding Organizer: Here's a huge thank you to Jane for such a wonderful interview. And don't forget, she has kindly offered to give advice to anyone who needs help with wedding planning – just drop us a line through the contact form or leave a question in the comments below, we'd love to hear from you!

Jane Dayus-Hinch is the super heroic wedding planner that makes three wishes come true for each couple every episode, and she kindly gave us the chance to interview her before season five goes on air in April. In part one (we had a lovely long chat so we've split it into two parts) we find out all about life as a wedding planner in a glamorous television show.

P.S. Jane has made a very kind offer that we'll be telling you about at the end….

Wedding Organizer: How did you get involved with Wedding SOS?

Jane: The producers were looking for a wedding planner for a series they had in mind in which a British wedding planner helps American couples. Sending a Brit out to Canada or the US has proven to be a very popular format over there, like Jo Frost taking her 'super nanny' skills to US families. There's also Debbie Travis, a lady from Yorkshire who does interior design and decorating for American families. She's less well known here in the UK, but in the States she's very popular.

Anyway, the producers were having problems finding a wedding planner with more than 3 years experience, and someone of the right age; they wanted a planner who is older than the brides and who has credibility and experience. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for them to find a wedding planner to fit the profile.

I was doing an interview on TV as a wedding expert, we were talking about cupcakes and I was being light hearted about it. The executive producer of Wedding SOS was in London at the time, saw me in the interview and thought "She's the one!"

Wedding Organizer: It must have been very exciting to be approached like that!

Jane: Well, to be absolutely honest, I didn’t want to do it initially! I've been involved with making pilots for shows in the past, they're a huge amount of work and often don't come to anything. But they managed to convince me and here I am, four years, five seasons and 65 episodes later!

It rapidly became apparent that we couldn't do the whole wedding in a half hour episode; that was too much, so the concept was refined to give the couples 3 wishes with me as a wedding fairy godmother. It gives the show three focal points to concentrate on and makes the show very fast moving, you can't take your eyes off the screen as to what happens next…..

Wedding Organizer: What do you enjoy most about being on television?

Jane: I'm always amazed when I see 50-70 hours of filming condensed into a half hour show. I'm not sure if that's enjoyable per se; it's fascinating and can be quite hard actually. People only see the highlights, but I know how hard I've worked to pull it all together.

The other aspect that's remarkable about making the show – is the size of the entourage; there are about eighteen people around me, everywhere I go when filming! They include two camera men, two sound guys, two personal assistants, hair, make up, wardrobe supervisor, driver and of course the Director amongst other people. Every single person doing their job well is so key to making the show, and it's such a good team.

I also like seeing how the show has evolved over the years. When people see a repeat of one of the episodes from season one in New York, I find myself saying "But that was 2006 and we were making it up as we went along!"

Then in season two, my little Shih Tzu dog named Oscar (Jane's extraordinarily cute dog) appeared in 13 episodes, and another dimension was that I was given an assistant Mike Chalut in a later season, who was incredibly flamboyant.

By the 3rd season we were inundated by requests from couples. After producing the show for two seasons, for the first time we had a wide choice of couples. There were so many that wanted to be on the show that we had six or seven weddings to choose from every Saturday.

Wedding Organizer: Have any episodes been a lot more popular than others?

Jane: There was one episode in which the bride was tearing her hair out as groom wouldn't help with the wedding; he simply wasn't interested and he was obsessed with fishing. This poor bride had even put live fish in the table centre pieces to try and get him enthused!

I brought in top celebrity fishing expert Bob Izumi and we took the groom out fishing to talk about the wedding. It turned it around for them, and for some reason, the fishing angle really seemed to capture everyone's imagination – but it was incredibly funny when it was me who caught the fish!

Wedding Organizer: Are there any that particularly memorable for you personally?

Jane: I remember one couple getting married in Toronto, they had a fairytale castle for their venue, she had princess dress and she really wanted the groom to be her 'knight in shining armour' – literally! Her first wish was for him to wear a suit of armour, and that's not a usual request for any wedding planner…

I really went through the mill trying to make that wish come true. I tried to get authentic armour, tried fancy dress shops, plastic replicas, you name it! It was such a challenge to fulfil in only a week. And to think that I've done 65 of the shows now, phew!

Wedding Organizer: What do you like the least about being on Wedding SOS?

Jane: When they only give me 3 days to do a wedding. And that really has happened in a show we did with a couple in New York. The week started badly as our flight was delayed by five hours the night before, the luggage got lost and we were a camera down. It delayed meeting the couple; that finally happened at 4 pm on the Monday.

The groom was a Brit and the bride was a New York wardrobe stylist. 'Hi' I said. 'My name is Jane – what's the problem?'

'The wedding's on Friday,' says the bride 'and I don't have a dress.' I looked at the director – she knew.

'What? This Friday?' I said. Yes, it was that Friday at 12 noon! That gave us only three days to get everything arranged – and I was worried when I heard that a wardrobe stylist didn't have a dress. It turned out that she's tried on every dress in New York, and didn't like any of them!

I took her to Kleinfeld's Emporium – where all celebrities go – this girl was a size zero and would've looked gorgeous in absolutely anything. We still couldn't find the dress, even after spending the whole of Tuesday trying them on. They were 'too beaded', 'too slinky', you name it, it was 'too' something. By 2pm, every sales person in the store was just tearing their hair out – we'd been through hundreds of dresses. Then when she found the right one it took us all by surprise; it was so plain! She was stood on a little dais in front of the mirrors and announced that she wanted it shortening to the length of a cocktail dress.

Now this was a $6000 dress, and it was so nerve wracking watching a pair of scissors going towards it. I told her that once those scissors went in, the dress was hers whether she liked it or not! She went ahead. We only collected it the night before the wedding, and didn't even know whether she'd like it.

Wedding Organizer: It sounds like a nightmare! What were the other wishes?

Jane: Well, the groom wanted his Mum (a professional cake maker) to make their wedding cake. This poor woman arrived on the Wednesday night, and was expected to make a cake with jetlag in the couple's New York apartment that had a tiny kitchen and no baking equipment – being New Yorkers they never ate at home!

I contacted Sylvia Winestock, a celebrity cake maker who was in middle of making Catherine Zeta Jones's birthday cake, and she kindly stopped to bake a cake for this couple. I took the groom's mother into Sylvia's kitchens and all three of us worked together to bake all three flavoured tiers of the cake.

The third wish was that they wanted to have a celebration champagne toast on the steps of City Hall after the ceremony, but in New York there are strict laws against drinking in public, let alone on the steps of City Hall itself!

I chartered boat to go down the Hudson river, and arranged to have the champagne and glasses ready for guests who we had organised to be transported to the boat. We had the champagne toast in front of the Statue of Liberty and that was a fabulous wish to grant that went down very well.

Wedding Organizer: And all of that was taken care of in three days?!

Jane: Yes, to think we did that it in three days – it was intense! Exhausted is not a strong enough word to describe how I felt afterwards; it was ten days condensed into three…

After that, having 12 months to arrange a normal wedding feels like a luxury! It does show that you can arrange everything in three days…

Wedding Organizer: But only if you're willing to lose years off your life with stress in the process!

Jane: Yes, that's true, I wouldn't recommend it!

Wedding Organizer: Can you give us a little taster of one of the weddings from the upcoming series?

Jane: Well, that's tricky, we finished filming in October and there are 13 weddings to choose from.

They're all so different, but the very first one in season five leaps out. The bride had ordered everything online, and the bridesmaids dresses came back from China in black see-through material stitched in red cotton. So her first wish was to get four dresses for the girls, but as she and the bridesmaids were plus size it made it even more challenging.

What was interesting about the whole wedding, was that all the problems with it were caused by her ordering everything online. The second wish was for wedding rings as – just like everything else – she'd ordered them online. They didn't fit and were made from materials too inferior to have them resized. So we got them to design and make their own wedding rings, which was so romantic.

The third wish dealt with decorating the hall for the wedding in black and white, and the "ostrich" feathers she'd ordered online turned out to be little bigger than pigeon feathers! I like to try and fit in with the theme of the weddings, so I got to wear a fantastic outfit from Jacques Vert, one of my show sponsors, which co-ordinated with the décor beautifully.

Wedding Organizer: It sounds very glamorous and exciting!

Jane: Well, it is sometimes, especially as I get to drive around in a wonderful Jaguar XF car which is supplied by my sponsor Jaguar, and I'm also sponsored by Harley Davidson, and yes, I ride one in the shows too.  But it's also very hard work as well!

Do you have a question for Jane?

Isn't Jane fabulous? Part two of our interview with Jane will be featured soon, in which she gives some excellent advice to brides considering using a wedding planner – and those who aren't…

In the mean time, Jane has kindly offered to answer any questions that you might have about your wedding. So if there's something driving you crazy, or stressing you out, drop us a line and we'll pass it on to Jane for you.

We asked Emma to interview Emily Rossiter, owner of Rivendell Bridal in Somerset. Emily is one of the most respected designer dressmakers of Elvish styled wedding gowns, and so we were keen to hear her expert opinion on the subject.

So who are the elvish brides?

When I asked her whether a lot of her bridal clients had been inspired by the Lord of the Rings films, she said, "Some of them have, and have seen the dresses and thought, wow! I want a dress like that and then found me. But lots of the brides who have commissioned my dresses haven't seen the films. Dresses with a medieval styling have been popular for a long time, and Elvish dresses tend to appeal to people that like the medieval style. And elves were around in popular culture way before the films came out and I expect will be for a long time after."

What kind of weddings do they have?

So what kinds of weddings do her clients have? "Most of them have civil ceremonies, and it is the search for a dress that suits a grand castle or other chosen location that brings them to me," Emily explained. "I have also made dresses for brides that have had hand fasting ceremonies, but only a small number of my bridal clients have had church weddings. But you know, there have been brides who have commissioned a dress from me before knowing or planning a theme for their wedding, and as a result of falling in love with one of the designs, have gone on to fit the wedding around it, which is great!"

The Elvish wedding gown style

I asked her about the difference between her gowns and costume. "Costume can be a lot less structured, and tends not to have boning, or be fitted exactly to the bride. My dresses are custom made, with the construction techniques of a modern wedding gown, with just the design influenced by the Elvish style. Most importantly I want the dresses to look and feel like a wedding dress."

Emily's success story

I asked her about how she came to be an Elvish wedding gown designer. "I didn't set out to be a maker of Elvish wedding gowns per se," she explains. "I just knew what I liked and the idea of a wedding dress which was Elvish in feel appealed to me, and therefore, I thought, must appeal to many other women. I design all of the dresses I make and have been lucky enough to find a good niche in the wedding gown market."

Do Elvish wedding gowns suit all body shapes?

Anyone who has seen the Lord of the Rings films will remember that all of the elvish women are tall, thin and beautiful. Does that mean that Elvish wedding gowns only suit willowy brides? "Certain designs do suit a willowy figure, it's true," Emily said. "But every design can be adapted to suit a particular figure, and I always advise the brides on what I think will suit them best. I know my styles well and which of them suit different shaped and sized figures. Lots of brides have bits that they want to keep covered, not everybody is comfortable in a strapless gown and for those people again the Elvish styles are very appealing. I have one design which looks particularly flattering on larger brides which is comprised of a light under-dress beneath a dark over-coat with a deep v-neck."

When asked if some designs are more popular than others, she says "Yes, definitely. At the moment I am getting the most orders for the Titania and Celtic Star dresses. I find it interesting as they are two very different styles, yet just as popular as each other."

Thanks to Emily Rossiter for the interview. You can find out more at her website:
www.rivendellbridal.com