Dear Emma,

Our reception venue has just been flooded and we haven't got anywhere to have the meal and party afterwards. We only have thirty guests – we wanted it to be a small and intimate wedding, but now we're stumped and nowhere else has anything free on the day. Help!

S

Dear S,

Oh no! That sounds awful, I am so sorry to hear that. If you have wedding insurance, you need to get in touch with your insurer straight away.

One thing I can say though is that not having a reception venue when you have a relatively small guest list is not a total disaster, even though right now it must feel like one. It depends on where you live, but you could do something really crazy along the lines of something I heard about only yesterday when I interviewed a wedding planner.

He was telling me about an amazing wedding where the couple chose not to have a reception venue at all. They hired a few Limos and went to a series of locations around London – all dressed up to the nines. They had cocktails and canapés in one place, a light meal in another, drinks in another location and then a sit down meal somewhere else. At the end of the day they went to a club and danced the night away.

It might not be feasible to do all of those things, but you might be able to adapt your plans and make a feature of not having a venue like they did. Thirty guests might be accommodated by a restaurant if you hired it out completely, or you could look into catering at home. Be open with your friends and family about what has happened and I'm sure they'll rally round for you.

Good luck!

Regardless of where you are in the wedding planning process, there's likely to be a time when it all seems completely overwhelming. At one point when I was organising my wedding I wanted to run into the middle of the nearest shopping centre and scream; "I don't care what's on the tables! I don't give a stuff about what colour the napkins are! GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE!"

Luckily, I had my two best friends with me at the time, who had just sat through a make-up run through with me. I said it to them instead of screaming it at the shoppers, and immediately felt better.

So I thought it would be a good idea to list all of the things that can be done when that horrible sense of overwhelming doom falls upon you. Then you can miss out the stressful bit, and move straight onto the fun part.

Perspective

Think back to the best weddings you've ever been to. Did the clever co-ordination of the bride's bouquet with the usher's waistcoats and the motif on the cutlery make it enjoyable?

Probably not. In fact, I'm willing to bet that it was the atmosphere, seeing old friends and family again perhaps, the way you were looked after (i.e. you knew where to be and when and didn't get too hungry/cold/hot in the process) and seeing your friends so happy.

The take home: When you're fretting about the tiny details, remember that most of your guests won't notice them in isolation. Yes, they will help to create a cohesive 'wow' factor, but the guests won't notice them as much as you are fretting over them now.

Release

That time in the shopping centre I mentioned before came after several days of worrying about all the little details I just mentioned. But I felt I couldn't speak to my fiancé about it because he might have been upset and thought that I wasn't excited about the wedding. So I bottled it all up and got into a pickle.

Ask a friend if it's ok to have a five minute rant about all the things that are winding you up. Let it all out, I recommend a cup of tea be involved, and have a laugh.

The take home: If you let yourself say how much something is winding you up or stressing you out, that 'something' loses its power over you.

Relaxation

I'm downplaying the magnitude of wedding planning a little in this post (I don't want to stress you out!) but it is one of the most important celebrations of your life, it's natural to be nervous about it. But as human beings, it's not good for us to be stressed or even excited for long periods of time.

I like the idea of taking certain week nights and sometimes weekends off from the planning. It's easy to let organising your wedding dominate your spare time, and your conversations with your other half. But having time set aside when discussing the wedding is actively banned can help you to relax properly, and keep things in perspective, so you can return to it fresh.

The take home: Set aside time to forget about the wedding. Do something different, recharge your batteries… it'll be good for your health, relationship and ensure that after the wedding, you still remember how to have a conversation.

Do you have any advice to add to this? Are you stressed out? Have a cup of tea and let us know in the comments, maybe we can all help each other out.

P.S. If you liked this post, you could subscribe to the blog by e-mail so you don't miss future posts.

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

Joins in the procession with the other attendants

Walks back down the aisle in front of the bride and groom strewing flowers in their path (Of course, you need to check with the venue beforehand that this is acceptable)
           
But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

But remember: these are only the traditional wedding roles! If you want to change them, go ahead!

Choose local wedding services and suppliers to avoid travel expenses - yours and theirs.

Weekday or Sunday weddings can be less costly.

If you don’t want a Wedding Breakfast (the traditional name for the wedding meal), consider having your wedding later in the day followed by a buffet or, in the summer, a barbeque.

Have an early wedding followed by a cocktail/ canapé reception for all your friends and extended family before leaving later to have a quiet meal with close friends and family.

If you are having a Greek, Spanish, or Italian theme, check out your favourite restaurant to either hold your reception or provide the catering.

Choose Pimms or Sangria as the welcoming drink and a good sparkling wine instead of Champagne for the toast. (A well chosen sparkling wine is a better choice than cheaper champagne.) Also, Elderflower Presse is a delicious alcohol-free alternative.

Provide sufficient numbers and choice of canapés to serve as the first course.  Or, if a winter wedding, provide a welcoming cup of hot soup.

To reduce the drinks bill, and its effects, provide absorbing entertainment: a fun casino, a mini-quiz, charades, etc.  In the evening arrange live entertainment, a magician or  dancing with a professional dance caller.

After the wedding breakfast, it is perfectly acceptable for guests to buy their own  drinks.  To avoid confusion, put "Pay bar after 7.00pm" on your invitations or pre-set a "drinks limit".

Consider having pedestal floral arrangements rather than individual table flowers at your reception. Or hire tree or plant displays.

If you choose to have adults rather than little girls as your bridesmaids, make them "attendants" instead.  This means they’ll have their own outfits and you need only provide matching bouquets.

Cocktail and evening dresses can be a classy alternative to a wedding gown and can also be worn again.

Unless you are friends with both, invite only your workmates and not their partners.  As long as they know other people there, they will look on it as a work night out rather then a family gathering.

Don’t automatically invite the children of friends and family.  Some parents may appreciate having a day/night out without their offspring.  (See our Stationery Section/Invitations for suggestions on how to explain the situation to your guests.)

Choose a wedding cake, or a mountain of small cakes, that will also serve as the sweet course. Negotiate a reduced rate with your hotel or caterers who could still make the same profit margins after reducing staff wages.

For that "borrowed" item: a friend’s tiara, mom’s veil or Granny’s antique jewellery.

If marrying in church, share the cost of the church flowers with the other couples getting married that day then choose something grand and flamboyant.

Use your table decorations as gifts to your guests.  For example, table flowers could divide up into smaller sprays for the ladies to take home and miniature bottles of spirits are perfect for the men.

In the run up to your wedding, tell friends and family to dry the petals of flowers from their garden for you to use in your Flower Girl’s basket.

Sprinkle glitter, rose petals or foil stars to decorate your reception tables.

To prevent all that wasted buffet food, order one meal between two.

If you are catering at home, savings can be made on drinks and cheeses by taking a trip to Calais. Look out in local press for discounted ferry or coach trips.

Hire all the menswear outfits from the same supplier to receive discounts or the groom’s outfit free.

A framed wedding photograph or a copy of your wedding video or DVD makes a perfect present for parents and grandparents and gives you the opportunity to negotiate a discounted package rate.

Ask family members or groups of friends to contribute to a wedding cost and make this their gift to you.  For example, they could pay for the wedding cake or, for your flowers to be preserved (a process of reconstructing your bouquet and mounting it in a frame).

Buy your wedding rings from the same supplier as your engagement ring and the jeweller will probably do any alterations free of charge.

Arrange for a group of friends and family to "block book" beauty treatments, aromatherapy, make-ups etc so you all receive quantity discounts. Or, organise a cosmetics or make-over party with a local beautician or salon.

If your reception venue caters for more than one wedding on your day, consider sharing the evening’s entertainment with the other wedding party to enable you to book something quite extravagant and share the cost.  For example, a celebrity guest appearance, or a "look-a-like" tribute band.

Start amassing Air Miles for your honeymoon.

At the airport, tell them you’re on honeymoon and ask for an upgrade. (Dress smartly to be considered.)

Have a double wedding with a relative – after all you’ll be inviting many of the same guests.