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Agony Aunt: Gifts

Dear Emma,

My partner and I have been together for several years and so don?t need many things for the house. As a result, we don?t want a gift list but several relatives have been phoning us about it, suggesting things they might buy that we can?t stand the thought of! Is there a way to get round this ? they all seem set on getting something for us no matter what we say!

Emily, Cambridge

Dear Emily,

How lovely to have such generous relatives! However, I do understand your concern ? they may end up buying you ornaments or pictures that they love but you won?t necessarily share their taste! There are alternative gift lists out there designed for these situations where guests can spend the money on charitable causes in the name of your wedding. If they know it will make you happy, and if you make it easy for them, I think this may be a positive solution all round.

Dear Emma,

We would like to have a gift list but are worried about several of our friends who don't have a lot of money. We have thought about not including the list details with their invites, is this the best way around the issue?

Carole, Birmingham

Dear Carole,

Whilst I understand that you want to spare your friends the stress of buying a present they can't afford, leaving out the list details is not the way to protect their feelings. It could make them feel very embarrassed if they found out that other friends have received them. A better way to cater for these guests would be to choose a wide range of gifts with some items that are very cheap, such as hand towels that can be bought separately or kitchen utensils. That way everyone can buy whatever they like according to their means.