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Emma's Wedding Diary: Wedding Speeches

Joe is quietly in denial about the Groom's speech and my Dad is having kittens, so I thought I'd draft out something to help them with their wedding speeches. I need to check if the venue has a microphone and that all the speakers have some water too - Dad in particular gets a dry mouth when nervous. I'm glad we're getting the creche, then the children won't want to join in during the wedding speeches! I can't do anything about hecklers though...

I'm thinking of giving a speech too, and as there is no tradition attached I can do that at any point, and include anything I like! The timing of the speeches is also quite flexible. We could have them before the meal so the speakers can relax (and so they're not too tipsy!), throughout the meal (nice to space them out) or after the meal before the cake is cut. I'll see what Joe would prefer.

Ok, now to draft out my notes to each person:

General wedding speech notes for everyone:

Don't feel that you have to speak for a long time. No wedding speech should last more than ten minutes, otherwise people will start to fidget. Make some notes just in case the nerves get to you on the day and practise it on someone else first if you are very nervous. Don't forget to slow down when you're speaking, and if you can bear it, make eye-contact with people as you talk.

The father of the bride's speech (notes for Dad)

You speak first, you'll be announced by either the best man or the toastmaster. Traditionally you welcome your new son into the family, give us some advice (not straight out of a carry-on film please!) and then toast the happiness of the bride and groom. Embarrassing stories about me as a child are strictly optional!

The Groom's Speech (notes for Joe)

You go after Dad and the tradition is that you do lots of thanking. Don't forget that when you thank everyone for coming, for gifts and good wishes, that it is on behalf of you and your wife! (Sounds weird..) You also thank parents and everyone that helped. You call up bridesmaids, other attendants and parents to receive their gifts from us and you then toast the bridesmaids. (All good grooms say how lovely their wife looks - not an option!)

The Best Man's speech (notes for Dave)

Tradition dictates that you respond on behalf of the attendants and read messages from those that can't attend. Informal tradition invites you to ritually humiliate the groom with tales of debauchery, but I'll leave that to you and Joe to settle. Telegrams are long gone but if we get any e-mails from people who can't attend we'll pass them on to you. I think Joe's great-grandfather is sending a video message so you need to introduce that (I have arranged a TV with the venue).