Dear Emma,

I'm sure loads of people have had this problem but now it's happening to me I don't know what to do. My mother is driving me mad – she keeps phoning me up to ask if I've got things done, what decisions I've made and then if I tell her, she criticises them! It's getting to the point where I don't want to talk about the wedding at all, and now she thinks I am deliberately keeping things from her. It's a total nightmare.

Catherine, Yorkshire

Dear Catherine,
Just like Christmas, weddings can highlight difficult communication patterns in families, but unlike Christmas, planning a wedding can take up to a year so grinning and bearing it is not an option.

I imagine that your mother wants to be helpful, involved and is nervous about it all being perfect on the day. But when someone is overbearing, it can make us want to shy away, keep them at arms length or shut them out all together, just to get some peace and unfortunately that usually makes it worse.

It may be very hard, but I recommend that you arrange to spend an evening with her to go over the wedding plans. Before you go, get everything straight so that when she asks about something, you know exactly what to answer – pricing quotes for example, so that she can see that you have it in hand. (it will help to keep your own stress levels down too if you know where you are with everything). If she starts to criticise, tell her that it's what you like, that you've agreed it with your fiance (hopefully!) and that you'd like her support. Be gentle, not confrontational if at all possible.

If it goes well, make a list at the end of the evening of things that she could look into for you (if you are feeling confident enough to do that) so that her energy can be diverted into something helpful instead of harassing you. Then arrange another planning time in a fortnight or month depending on how close it is to the date and then suggest that, as you're both very busy, all talk of the wedding should be saved up for that meeting.

It may seem very regimented as an approach, but managing her in this way may make both of you much happier. Above anything else, don't lose your temper or block her out, it will make things worse. Good luck!

Dear Emma,

I am having a top table nightmare. My parents are divorced but only my father has re-married and my mother won't be bringing anyone with her to the wedding. She feels very insecure about this and keeps asking me where she'll be sitting and who with. I don't know what to do to keep the order balanced – do I make my step-mother sit at another table or get an usher to sit next to my mother to make up the pair?

Leanne, Cardiff

Dear Leanne,

Are you set on having a top table? Perhaps you could do without and sit your father and mother at separate tables with their friends and family so both feel at ease. You could then sit with your close friends instead. An alternative would be to only have the immediate wedding party at the top table with you, such as the best man, bridesmaids and maybe ushers if there aren't too many. Then it doesn't seem odd to have parents sitting at tables closest to yours.

If you are dead set on having your parents on the top table with you, sit your mother next to the best man on the other side to your father and step-mother and then quietly reassure your mother that she looks fabulous whenever you get the opportunity.