Now wedding shows which portray the bride-to-be as a selfish, maniacal horror of a woman (or 'bridezilla' to use the popular term) are nothing new – there are many programmes from America in this vein. However, one format that has recently been imported into the UK is one called 'Bulging Brides' and to be honest, I found this quite worrying.

The basic premise is this, in case you haven't seen it: the bride-to-be has a beautiful wedding dress, but there is a catch: it's two sizes too small. And they only have six weeks before the wedding to slim into it.

Now, maybe I haven't seen enough episodes, but the ones that I have seen haven't really explained why they have a dress two sizes too small – when I saw the advert for it I wondered if it was an amazing designer wedding gown that could only be won by the bride if she slims. However, the ones I've watched just seem to be a wedding dress considered to be 'perfect' – aside from the fact it's too small.

This upset me. Perhaps I am being ridiculous, but I thought that the perfect wedding dress was one that flattered what you are now – not a big stick to beat yourself with for the six weeks before the wedding. I mean, for heavens sake, isn't the six week build-up to the wedding day stressful enough without needing to lose a stone in weight?

One positive message

Of course, I should be fair and say that the show teaches the bride-to-be how to exercise and eat well, and hopefully change her habits so that she doesn't continue on a path to life-threatening obesity.

But the bigger message seems to be: you can only be beautiful on your wedding day if you are a lot thinner than you are now.

Do we need this kind of pressure?

Everywhere we look, we are bombarded by images of emaciated film stars and unhealthy looking women who are being lauded as beautiful when they are 20% below a healthy weight. I am convinced that the pressure put on women by the media is not only depressing, but ultimately damaging.

The average woman – and average bride-to-be – doesn't earn millions of pounds a year from the way they look, or how many inches they lose off their hips to gain column inches in the papers. We don't have personal trainers and dedicated nutritionists and diet experts cooking every single calorie-controlled meal for us.

And quite frankly, we're all a bit too busy for that, aren't we?

Isn't there more to life than being rake thin? Is the weight of the bride something that should be made into a spectacle?

Many brides-to-be lose weight on the lead up to the wedding

All that running around and nerves can make you slimmer, it's true. I lost half a stone without even trying, I was such a worry pot. And many brides choose to slim – and that's fine of course, because that is a decision based on what they want to do for their day which starts with them first – not the dress.

It just seems backwards to me to choose a dress that's too small and then slim into it. Why not think about losing weight a year or six months before the wedding, make positive changes to diet and exercise that lead to a healthier lifestyle, then pick a dress that makes whatever shaped body you have look fabulous?

Did your fiancé insist you be slimmer for the wedding day?

I'm guessing he didn't. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'd like to think he fell in love with you as you are now, and wants to marry you because of who you are, and not your waist measurement.

Can we just take a step back and really look at the messages we're being given?

Maybe I am taking this all too seriously. Maybe thousands of people watch these programmes with a pinch of salt, shake their heads with pity at the starving celebrities and love their own feminine curves regardless (yes, we're supposed to have curves). Perhaps teenage girls across the land look at a size zero pop stars and think "wow, thank goodness I don't look so unhealthy."

Perhaps all the brides-to-be out there have a laugh, look forward to their wedding day without feeling any pressure to lose weight at all, and just find something that flatters and loves their body as much as their fiancé does.

Let's hope so, eh?

Always ask if the cost for final fittings or adjusting the hem is included in the price and remember, if the dress is very full, a hem adjustment may cost more than a dress with less fabric.

Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments to help each other out!

Dear Emma,

We are getting married in a fabulous venue but it is a long way from where we live and any family or friends. I am getting into a panic about which services to arrange locally and which to get from closer to home. Help!

Beth, Manchester

Dear Beth,

Make a cup of tea, sit down and make a list of all the people you need to employ to make your wedding go smoothly. When you see them in front of you, it will soon be clear which will have to be local companies. For example, your transport will need to be local, as will the catering and anything else that is fresh on the day such a flowers and most probably catering. The wedding dress and all trappings can be bought ahead of the day, so you can do that close to home, and the male wedding party clothes should be hired from place convenient to return to after the wedding, so that may be near your home too.

You need to be very well organised so that on days when you are visiting the venue to make arrangements, you have booked appointments with the other local suppliers on the same day too, eliminating the need for lots of separate trips. To find the wedding suppliers in an area you are unfamiliar with needn't be a chore if you use the directory on this site, or if it is being held in a venue covered by the Wedding Organizer e-books you can download here.

Being tall, apparently my wedding dress will be easier to sell as the new owner would be able to have it shortened if needs be. There are specialist shops and of course internet auction sites. However, I'm not sure I want to do that. Either way, the first thing Mum says needs to happen is to have the wedding dress cleaned by a dry cleaner that specialises in dealing with evening gowns, and preferably bridal gowns in particular. These bridal gown cleaning companies are used to dealing with the special fabrics involved and many also offer a repair service. It may look pristine now but after a day of church, grass, sitting for meals and dancing, it may well look very battered by the end.

Mum says she'll send the wedding dress off the day after the wedding. The sooner the better, otherwise any perspiration can discolour the gown. She impressed me by telling me to make sure that if I decide to store it, it needs to be wrapped in acid-free paper (plastic is a big no-no), and you can get big boxes designed exactly for this purpose. The specialist bridal gown cleaning companies usually sell all of these bits and pieces too, or know of others that do. I'd better go and see if there are any in my Wedding Organizer e-book before she calls, don't want her to think I'm being slack!

Armed with said wedding notebook we went to one of the big bridal gown shops in town. I made an appointment there last week having found them in my Wedding Organizer – it's the best thing to do as then they can guarantee that one of the staff are available to give you their full attention, and it is absolutely essential on a Saturday when every other bride in the area is off work too!

I was a bit nervous to be honest. I kept thinking about how it's certainly the most I'll ever spend on a dress, for the most important day of my life, and what if Joe doesn't like it! But the assistant at the shop was so wonderful. She looked at the pictures of the wedding dresses that I like, looked at me, and then took me round all of the wedding gowns, picking out ones she thought might be good and also several styles that I wouldn't have dreamt of! Katie was great and encouraged me to try them all when I looked doubtful, which I'm so glad I did as I was pleasantly surprised by several of the "risky" ones. Keeping an open mind in that situation is so important.

Wedding gowns and the dreaded body shape

There was quite a lot to bear in mind in terms of finding the right wedding dress. Firstly my shape. My figure is far from perfect, but there are certain styles that suit certain shapes. Full skirts and tailored bodices seem to be good for people like me with bigger hips but a smaller waist as the fullness of the skirt hides chunky thighs and bottoms! I had a good chat with the assistant about it as all of my bridesmaids have completely different shapes. Katie, being tall and thin (which I no longer hate her for!) suits softer, elegant lines and wide or scooped necklines. Natalie, being very petite would suit something in an A-line, or a design with princess seams – nothing to cut her off at the waist and make her look smaller. Nicola has got quite a boyish figure, with a small bust and quite a thick waist. She'll look good in an Empire line apparently, preferably one with some fabric gathered over the bust to make it look like there's more there and balance her out.

You can also get wonderful jackets with some dresses to cover up any arm crimes, and short bolero style jackets are back in and they accentuate slender waists and detract from small busts too. Hmmm, seems I did learn something today! The assistants at these shops know all the tricks so it really pays to listen to them. If it were a winter wedding I could have had a glorious velvet coat or cloak – there was a deep red one that almost made me change the date!

Wedding Dress Colours and Fabrics Galore!

Another factor was colour. A wedding dress doesn't have to be white, we must have said that twenty times over the cake, and we were right. There are many different colours and shades available, getting the one right for my skin tone was worth the effort. Again, the assistant was brilliant, and she even got some samples of the different types of white (yes, there's more than one!) and held them against me to show me which ones were best. Some colours drain skin, whilst others make you seem even healthier, and it seems that there are few women who can carry off the pure "diamond white" wedding dresses.

The type of fabric needed to be considered too in light of the month of the wedding. Mine is bang in the middle of summer, so I was eager to look at wedding dresses made of silks, muslin and other lighter fabrics, whereas if it were earlier in the year when the weather is less predictable a back up plan such as a matching wrap or jacket would be a good idea. Yet again the brocades and velvets of the winter wedding dresses were tempting but in the middle of August even I could see that wouldn't be a good idea.

Comfort was also important. Whilst I want to look my best, I don't want to be dying in my wedding dress after ten minutes. When I'd narrowed the favourite wedding gowns down, the assistant let me spend some time walking around and sitting down too, just to be sure.

Size was a topic of debate as I tend to lose weight when I'm nervous, so I think I might be smaller on the day than I am now. The assistant reassured me that they can do adjustments and there'll be a couple of wedding dress fittings in the lead up to the day. They have a price package that incorporates a certain number of fittings, and this can be different depending on the wedding dress (i.e. if it has a wide skirt with a hem that goes on forever!) so I need to be sure to get specific details for whichever dress I go for.

To bra or not to bra? That is the question…

I had been reluctant to try on strapless bodices, thinking that I'd be pulling it up all day or that I'd "fall" out of it. But the amount of structure in these bodices really put my mind at rest – if it's fitted properly, it should stay where I want it.

That reminds me, when I make my final choice (Katie took pictures of me in the different wedding dresses with her digital camera and e-mailed them to me so I can remember them), I need to get the underwear as soon as possible. It's best to have the real underwear on at the time of the fittings, as the bra could change my shape in important ways when dealing with very fitted wedding gowns. With some bodices I won't need a bra, but there will still be a suspender belt and knickers and it will be good to know that neither of them show at a fitting rather than on the wedding morning! Also good for comfort too – I'll have time to change it all if it's uncomfortable with the dress. The height of the shoes is important too so I also need to have those for the wedding dress fittings so the hem is the right length. It'll be good to wear them around the house a bit before the day too, only when Joe is out though!

Tiara's, Veils and Flowers oh my!

One of the great things about going to this specialist shop was that they also had all the matching veils and accessories. It was really useful being able to try the whole thing on at once. Of course, it doesn't mean I can't look elsewhere (there are some amazing tiara specialists out there), but it was useful to see what type of veil goes with each dress. With some of them the shade may be hard to match so getting the matching one might be the best option.

The jury is still out on what to put on my head. There are so many choices: tiara, veil, both together, nothing, fresh flowers or even a hat! I'll talk to the florist about the flowers, after all, the tiny fresh roses that my friend Sarah had in her hair at her wedding last year looked gorgeous. I guess it depends on the dress I choose – some wedding dresses seemed to suit a grand veil whilst some of the more simple ones might be drowned out by one.

I'm going to look at a couple of other shops, no need to rush such a big decision! Katie knows someone who had their dress made by a designer dressmaker and she said it was amazing, so I'll look into that too. Then I could be certain the design is individual and has all of the bits I want in the dress. Again, the portfolio will be a crucial thing to see, and good reports from other clients too.

I'm going to look at those photos again and then make an appointment with this dressmaker too. Hmm… maybe more cake is needed.

Bride to be (Emma W.)

"Don't choose a strapless wedding dress and huge high heeled wedding shoes if you're not used to wearing them. You don't want to be tripping over and feeling uncomfortable on your special day! If you really have set your heart on a wedding shoe design that features something you're not used to, then wear something similar around the house lots before the big day.

When you are choosing hairstyles, consider the style of your wedding dress. If it's quite elaborate, don't overdo the hair! Look through bridal magazines for ideas and book a practice with your hairdresser for a few weeks before the wedding. It's a good idea if you're getting your makeup done to book a practice with them on the same day if possible, that way you can preview the complete look so you know you're happy!"

Best Man (Martin H.)

"The best single piece of advice I can give as a former best man is to try to delegate as much as you can. I had a friend who had three best men, one to organise the stag night, one to "get him to the church on time" and one to give a speech.

If the groom has chosen you as the sole best man, look at the other guys who will be on the stag night. If one or two of them are good at organising people or things, get them to do the legwork on the stag night entertainments. Ask them to phone around and find a paintball company nearby, or a JCB racing event, or whatever other entertainment your stag party will enjoy. If any of them have known the groom for a long time (and they probably have), get them to list the things they would put into a best man's speech. And make sure you have a full list of everyone who it is your job to thank at the end of your speech, like the catering staff, waiters/waitresses etc."

Groom (Chris T.)

"Tradition dictates that the groom has his back to the bride as she enters and walks down the aisle for the ceremony. However, I recommend turning to face her as she does so for a wonderful memory.

As much as you may want to leave it to the bride to make all of the wedding arrangements, do make an effort to get involved yourself so that it doesn't all pass you by in the lead up or on the day itself.

In the groom's speech it is easy to give a long list of thank you's. However, don't miss the ideal opportunity you have to express your feelings about something so important to your family and friends – it is a rare chance to have all of them with you at the same time."

Maid of Honour (Amanda C.)

"Remain calm, the day will be great fun but the bride will be relying on you to calm her nerves as well as those of the other bridesmaids.

To enjoy the build up, make an occasion of it instead of letting the nerves get to everybody. Bucks Fizz works well and everyone will be in party mood. Make sure that no one overindulges though – you don't want to be tripping over the train!

The finishing touches you can add make all the difference. The Bride and Groom stayed overnight in the hotel where the wedding was held and we were able to dress the bridal suite. We put rose petals on the bed and dimmed all the lights to add extra romance.

The bridesmaids were also able to come up with lots of ideas at the planning stage. Since everybody is exposed to different traditions there can be a wealth of ideas you may not have thought of but might like anyway."